Monday, July 20, 2009

superman? super-d-duper, you better believe it

the weekend is officially over. good ole monday took right care of that there. 10:40 pm and it is quiet and calm here at the house of floyd's. Mrs. floyd is sipping her tea and and reading her favorite book. i began work tonight at miss janes place to get her kitch'n all purdied up. it was good and bad. and late. but i was productive which is the important thing. if you are going to expend the time and energy toward something you should probably accomplish what you set out to do, eh? i mean im no expert or anything... just a thinker.

the fair tanked friday night due to the less than tolerable elements. it was horrific but we ended up at miejer instead. blah, right, groceries instead of rides and games and crafts. it turns out i was receiving some divine intervention which superceded my plans, and i was afforded the opportunity to rescue an elderly gentleman from the mens room who found himself in an incorrigible motorized shopping cart. even more intersting than being at the store at that time was how i wound up visiting the mens room. not for the first reason most would suspect but rather because of some stupid lid on a bottle of chemicals that were potentially hazardous to those who found said chemicals on their skin. lucky me i was successful in spraying my hand thoroughly at which point i head to the restroom to run my hand under water for 20 min and contact a poison control center as directed by back of bottle. upon entering restroom i found gentleman struggling to stand up. and while my hands are running under water i hear..."OH! God help me!" ... i waited. and again..."OH! God please!" so im like man he must really need to go to the potty. "can i help you?" i ask..."What! "CAN I HELP YOU!" i said much louder..."PLEASE"

so then he tells me about this scooter that is obviously boken and hindering him from using it for leverage to stand up. then he goes on to tell me hes just so afraid of falling because hes has seven full strokes and shouldn't be alive today. i can imagine he hoped to not have survived those strokes only to slip fall and die on a public restroom floor.... besides the fact his bladder was about to burst. so i helped him to the stall, having already forgotten about the caustic chemicals eating away my flesh, then waited outside for him to finish. so thinking my job was nearly over i expected to return him to his seat and bid him good day, but that was only the beginning. after his business was completed we sat him down slowly and said good by and like the gentleman i waited with the door open to assist his exit only to find you could not exit in a forward facing position. the only way to exit was to back down the narrow bathroom do a 97 point turn and back the rest of the way down the bathroom and exit the way you came in which is now backwards. his backwards driving by the way was less than skillful and even the patient father of four i am i was getting a little restless watching him struggle with the controls, while also thinking to myself what a stupid bathroom this was and what a stupid scooter this was and what a stupid store this was that had such stupid people running it. then in my anger (but still with a smile on my face) i went into action, picking the scooter up with old guy aboard and placing him outside of mens room. we giggled and he expressed his gratefulness and that was that. divine intervention and righteous adrenaline provoking anger all in one fell swoop.

thats my super hero story for the day. tune in next time for more daring adventure and everyday happenings in the life of floyd.


  1. Caustic chemicals, picking up old guys in scooters, coasting into gas stations on an empty realize these things don't happen to ordinary people, right? Outfit you with a utility belt and a cape and you'll be all set! You really need to write a book someday.

  2. Why do I have the theme from "Superman" on my mind.........?

  3. I really wish I could of seen that. The picking the old man up with his scooter, not the chemicals eating your hand part.