Sunday, August 30, 2009

point break

everyone has a breaking point. mine is incredibly fortified. but a barrage of recent attacks have left me feeling vulnerable. all things considered i will tell you life just doesnt get better than this. ive got it all. God, family, job, friends.

this seems to be a reoccurring theme in every aspect of my life. i feel stressed out and miserable, i want to complain. but i remember where i came from and what i have been unconditionally given even presently, and i discount my feelings and bottle it up. perhaps that is the source of my bouts of gloom.

i feel overwhelmed, overworked, and insurmountable guilt for neglecting god and family, and as a result i become distant toward those who need my attention.

i will as always "suck it up and be a man", but its just hard to adopt a good attitude when life gets to be so busy you cant even regroup or recharge or reanything for that matter. this isnt even "bad stuff", most of it is exciting or fulfilling and even necessary.

some popular advice is to prioritize the events in your life and schedule accordingly and make sacrifices where needed. the problem with that thinking is when all things rank of equal importance and nothing can reasonably be deducted you just have to make it work.

whats the whole deal with this idea that you cant complain? i mean whats that all about?

"How are you?" ..."well i shouldnt complain." ..." yeah it wouldnt do you any good anyway"
what a bunch of crap.

you know what? complaining isnt the most positive form of communication but so what. maybe i dont feel like being in a good mood. maybe i dont want to smile and shove more crap inside. maybe im just fine and dandy but i need to just say, Hey! im a little p!$$ed off right now.

i love my wife so much. (another reoccurring theme.) but you know i can tell her anything i want. angry, sad, even indefensibly stupid. yet she doesnt turn away from me. she doesnt look down on me for having a poor attitude, or criticize me and tell me to get over myself. she listens and she loves me.

maybe thats a spouses job. but maybe its all of our jobs. we all have stress. we are all busy and tired and in need of rest and sometimes you just wont find rest. but you should be able to find people who will let you speak you mind even when you are confused or bitter or whatever it maybe. because its healing. and healing is a process. and complaining is a necessary part of my healing process.

see, there is proof in the pudding. i already feel better, and i havent broken yet.

i promise to never lay it on you like i would my dearest (i dont think you could handle it) but i will warn you doubly that i like to complain and i do not take criticism well. so if you dont like my bad attitude keep it to yourself.... cause im coping.

: )


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

i should be sleepin

its about 12:40 now as i sit here and just begin to post for the day. you wouldnt know it though because i have not had the motivation to change the time on my blog. maybe some day.

i think i might fall asleep at any moment, but my fingers just keep going. its kind of involuntary at this point. my body is shut down but my brain is forcing my fingers to move clumsily about the board. which in addition to my already shoddy search and peck form typing makes for some pretty gruesome typos.

me sleeping while blogging

i like to laugh. tonight mrs floyd and myself searched far and wide for some entertainment only to settle upon "wipeout" the tv series that we had not, until this evening, had the pleasure of partaking in our viewing repertoire. i laughed until i felt like puking. that was no fun. but the experience as a whole is something i will definitely enjoy again in the future.

i managed to keep a lighter heart today toward those of lesser scruples. same kids, same crap, but a much calmer happier me.

i feel a period deepness coming on. im not sure how long it will last this time, but now and again i seem to just autopilot for a few days. still happy still funny still me, just all locked up inside. everything still gets in fine but not much comes out. i recall the months after i was saved from my former life and made anew, i spent countless hours each day just thinking. not reading, or talking or watchin the tube. just thinking incessantly about everything in great detail and exploring all tangents and theorising outcomes and of random scenarios.

i obviously dont have much time to do anything non productive these days. when i am awake i am required to be making my body useful almost the entire time. i dont have much opportunity to sit and do nothing. i think that maybe why i have enjoyed writing so much. i still feel slightly useful and have a sense of accomplishment even if it is derived from the motivation to please myself. apparently i have to justify my pleasures in life in such a way that it means something more than just i want it. or i deserve it or whatever. as much as i want to, i just cant buy into the whole im doin this for me cause i deserve it camp cause the guilt that comes along with it is so not worth the small reward of pleasure. i have lots of leisure activities and lots of friends to socialize with on lazy weekend afternoons. but all of those things are busy stuff. my idea of personal reward would be time alone and without expectation and no guilt. unfortunately i cannot give myself such a thing nor is it something anyone else could offer. its simply unattainable.

leave it to me to want something i cant have. long for something that doesnt exist. i hope in heaven there is a place for a wandering mind. i dont want to know everything. i just want to think about it and whatever else comes up and not have all of the answers to questions so i may revisit interesting puzzling things from time to time. some people read for entertainment. i have always envied such people. but i find that my mind does not allow me to focus well enough to be committed to it. in short stints maybe, but not entire books. i like lots of em but i can count on one hand the number i have read cover to cover.

im not well educated, and i find a new level of my ignorance around every corner. but despite my lack of knowledge my mind is somewhat sharp. it may be all jumbled up at times but there are some profound and delightful bouts of thinking going on.

well there is no stopping point in sight so im calling it quits. good night and God bless.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

smells like teen spirit

i have had the privilege of spending large quantities of time around high school kids recently. I HATE them. i hate them more now than i did then.

have you ever seen secondhand lions? well the oldest brother/uncle beats the crap out of a bunch of sassy punk kids after checking himself out of the hospital refusing treatment for having had a heart attack. after disarming them and beating them senseless he goes on to give them the talk.

thats the talk where he explains what a man is and what life is all about.

it seems to me that there is a whole lot of punks looking to get themselves a whoopin and a talkin.

i dont mean to be a downer here. and i am well aware of my teenage shortcomings. but i simply have zero tolerance for disrespectful attitudes and absolute ignorance of life.

if i may? if i knew then what i know now... i would have gladly welcomed the violence of an angry oldtimer and the reprimand to boot.

at this point i find myself with only two things to hope for. 1. i dont end up in jail for battering a minor. 2. i dont hate my own children for being teenagers.

i suppose prayer is in order now. i probably shouldnt be day dreaming about dismantling unruly obnoxious adolescents. although it has been good motivation/inspiration for my demolition work. at least i have a healthy outlet. work.

ok well now that i have revealed to you a glint of my darkside,that is violence, i should probably reign it in a bit before i get all scary on you. thankfully the lord has given me control over the action. he has also given me a 180/90 blood pressure. im like the incredible hulk. except i usually smile when the rage sets in. if i am angry with an angry face. things are just fine. if i am angry and i look deliriously happy, im out for blood. im not sure where the line is or what triggers it, but i cant feel the blood pulsing in my whole body and frankly i feel a little high. or something like it. and then out comes the crazy green dude.

ok i said i was gonna stop so i am. im done. finished.

there was this one time, (interestingly it involved a foul mouthed punk teenager) i was trying to put the kids in the van. our neighbors at the time had a teenage girl. and so these thug gangsta boys kept coming over and playing Mr bad boy. unfortunately for them i was Mr. bad boy and they just hadnt realized. at first i asked they please censor the language and content when my small children were within in the yard. i was courteous and respectful even though they didnt deserve it. not one day later billy decided to drop every bomb imaginable and reference his personal places all in one retarded sentence. my children and i were only a few feet away getting into our van and as the monologue began. only a moment later when blood started shooting out of my eyeballs i turned and told him he was done and to leave in such a way that literally every door on the block flung open with concerned neighbors. the little boy said what sounded like "you aint my daddy" and so i pursued him and detained him and informed him that if i was his daddy hed have more sense than someone who'd offend and insult a a violent convicted felon who'd gladly sit in jail for the opportunity to sweep the sidewalk with his face if it meant the next time he came near my children hed have the decency to not be a tru 2 life gangsta from hicktown usa for five minutes.

im not proud of that. but he did shut up with out my having to injure him.

im a lover, and a fighter. and i love a good fight. :)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Is there a full moon out there tonight?

Oh my goodness!

i must say i am feeling just a little like screaming. not that it would help but i figure if everyone else can do it then why cant i? is there a good logical reason that could justify my silence? im thinkin not. i dont have to scream at anyone. just a long cleansing purposeful freeing participation.

apparently children scream because they have to get emotional release. thats one school of thought anyway. they cant express their anger properly in addition to being forced to constantly do things they do not want to be doing. after a while it all builds up and they scream and cry and then things dont seem so bad.

now i picture myself at the end of my long day. coming home to my family exhausted and looking forward to what i know will be an evening full of bickering children and chores and little to know communication with the person i hope most to spend time with. then upon bed time oh glorious bed time, i find that despite my best efforts to please each and every member of this household my children are just not happy and not going down with out a fight. so comes the screaming. now at this point my good attitude and laid back personality and compassion are hard to find. one option may be to bring the proverbial hammer down, and reign terror into the hearts of the miniature banshees. but a part of me thinks this will not be a good pre-bedtime experience. its hard to sleep when you think your father is waiting around the corner hoping for you to accidentally make the slightest bit of noise so he can make good the promise to beat you unconscious if he hears another sound from you for any reason whatsoever. at that point you might like to fall asleep but why risk it when you know that any accidental sleeping movement may provoke the beast that lies in wait.

so, if you cant beat em join em, right?

well im glad to say that in this short time the house is already quiet and im feeling much better. i may have missed the opportunity to lash out irrationally tonight but i trust my dear sleeping ones will be only too quick to make ready my next opportunity.

one of these days i will let myself go and what a glorious day that will be.

until then i will hold onto what little sanity i have left.

... wow, thats just how far its come. the only thing between me and a padded room is my tiny bit of self control that keeps me from yelling and throwing my extremities about wildly and then stopping to laugh and smile from the comfort it would bring me.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

all cooped up

well the story is not exactly hot off the presses. not only was this post a day late i had some camera trouble as well which did not allow me too many an opportunity to take pictures.

so on with it man...

there's this house ive been working in... house? .. chicken coop converted into dwelling place maybe? yeah and so when i arrive at what was initially thought to be the job site i was flag from afar to what appeared to be an out building in the back forty.

now up until this time i have worked in entirely extreme opposites of quality of residential and commercial properties. and you will find dirt in the best of them, as you will find clean freak old ladies in the worst. yet on this day i was completely taken a back by the curious little animal housing that was "the house"

on a side note: you should know that i once found a half eaten cheeseburger under a sofa....

i will give you a moment.

well yes. maybe its not all that funny yet, but think of it this way. first of all the homeowner was unfortunately VERY overweight. which adds a little to it for me. mostly because we (at work) have this thing when we see fat (only very very fat) people we stare in shock and when they are out of ear shot we ask, " how many cheeseburgers do you have to eat to get that fat!" and then we laugh until it hurts... every time...

i know what youre thinking. hes goin to hell. but guess what... yeah maybe you are right, we will see.

so any way when we arrived at fat persons house (i know im just so sensitive) only to then start moving furniture and find a half eaten cheeseburger i could not help but to run gasping from the house about to hyperventilate from the irony and embarrassment from having to hide my laughing at someone from that same someone. then try to stab myself in the eye so when i return with left over tears in my eyes from laughing i could claim to have gotten something in my eye with out feeling too guilty.

so there it is. i laugh at fat people and bend the truth even to the extent of injuring myself in order to avoid the guilt of it all.

but really though when were you eating a cheeseburger and then you werent but you hadnt finished it and you werent concerned enough to find it did you just eat the next cheeseburger? did you have multiple ones unwrapped and so you lost track of the eaten and not eaten ones? maybe you had several brands of open cheeseburgers on your sofa and you were doing a taste test comparison taking one bite of each at a time and so then... you know what i dont know.

How do you lose a freaking cheeseburger man! its a sandwich!

so theres not much else to say about the house. its small. it used to house animals.

heres the pictures:

farm house on the right, coop in the back there
up close profile with low window and small doorme standing in doorway looking like gianthead touches ceiling

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

hawkin it

I pid-E da foo !

thats us. ours all hair cuts broughts to you buy yours truly.
i thought id post it in case i get sent home from work tomorrow to cut it off for lack of professionalism and then you would miss the opportunity for viewing "matts mohawk"

its not technically a mohawk ( hence the quotes ) but its close. i just cant spike it as my hair is too short. my boys got it goin on though. they were cracking me up. they are rockstars by the way. at least they tell me that though... im still waiting on the check and tour bus that goes along with it, but im not gonna hold my breath.

still the thought is fun to consider. i mean after all only a few years ago my life plan was to follow a band tour endlessly and support myself selling grilled cheese sandwiches in the parking lot. thank God that didnt work out, but at least we know ive got it in me to be a roadie.

skype is cool. iben video chattin frequently this week. late at night. its like having friends over. actually its like having friends in a box and just taking them out to play whenever you like. way cool.

tomorrow i plan to post pictures of my latest venture. the coop. you'll understand when you see it. but if your interested tune in tomorrow for details.

a rather random thought just popped into my head, fishing, and of course then so did barri. and then so did the frickin hot weather. then i pretended it was cool and breezy out side and i wasnt working at work or at home and i was reeling in a big fish from a big boat that says lazy daisy on the side of it.

now i feel all warm and fuzzy. thats the thought i should go to bed with. im lucky i dont have something funny like a picture of my mother shopping for "stuff" in my head. then i could never go to sleep. never. so dont you think about it either you. MWA HA HA !!!

sweet dreams:)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

rubber ducky your so fun...

i will have you know i am currently sitting in my bathtub... and blogging. now before you run screaming from your computer at the horror your mind has conceived, it may please you to know the tub is dry and i am fully clothed.

but why?

why indeed.

have you ever been attacked? what about attacked with love? love? er, affection...? hmm i dont know what you might call it but it seems like some sort of unavoidable unpredictable onslaught of crazy good things that pounce at me against my will. ok so maybe attack doesnt fit here but its the best this little vocabulary of mine can do. i need a word that means attack but doesnt come with the negative connotation.

so if it were just an occasional random happening of unexplainable generous things happening to us i might be less suspicious while still totally appreciative. But it seems that certain people have obviously been going way out of their way to do unthinkable kinds of fun crazy exciting stuff all to often that frankly leads me to believe that they are completely intentionally and methodically spoiling us.

and so long story short, here i sit in my tub, literally, and i must say im quite enjoying myself, just in shock and denial and shock at the coolness of my new found geekyness. i am but a young padawan and great are the tasks ahead of me if i wish to join the ranks of geeky greatness. but my masters are wise in their years and soft in their hearts.

thanks guys

your cool.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Congratulations Mr. Gadget

It was a really tough decision i have to admit. believe me when i tell you it was no small task sifting through the hours worth of contest entries... but its all come down to one lucky man. Mr. Gadget! and just in case your wondering, no his affiliation with we superhero people has no influence on my decision. Its just as simple as this, who could possible pass up such an offer as his?

well, it looks like ill be on vacation for a while so dont fret if i seem scarce. im only working myself to death. for meatballs.

look out weekend fun cause here i come!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Contest time!!!!!

i should be sleeping. the problem is that my schedule varies from time to time and when i have already fallen asleep for a short time and my wife asks me questions i have no problem answering them. i also have no idea what shes talking about. when a series of questioning starts out like... " what time you gettin up" i reply 5:15. next question is something like "are you going to bed or do you want to stay on the couch?" and the answer is. . . . sausage, thanks.

one would think that at that time a red flag would go up and you may realize that the person with whom you are speaking is no longer present and you may as well ask these same questions to yourself as you will have some conscious reasoning available to you even though you dont know the answer. i on the other hand have no credibility after sleepy time and then i end up awake and with nothing to do but blog. and eat. both of which are on the top of my fun list but are not nearly as beneficial as sleeping.

speakin of eatin, is it weird to have pizza for breakfast? well of course not duh. that was actually a set up question. i mean if you can eat pizza for breakfast why not bread sticks with peppercinni peppers and a side of yogurt. then to complete the whole breakfast experience captain crunch berries washed down with some vanilla coke. i knew you would understand.

so due to my fiercely competitive spirit i too will be having a contest to give away. and in proper competitive form my gift will be far better than my wifes. As you know i am a highly skilled and hard to acquire handy man who could really help with those projects youve been meaning to get to for the last five years. i can take them out like yesterdays garbage.

so you prize will be a full five day work week brought to you by yours truly in which time i will build remodel revamp redecorate or clean anything and everything. you name it!

thats right folks, and heres how to win....

if you live in a moderately tropical island zone of some sort and have extra room for my wife and kids (thadbefovum) and are willing to pay to have us flown to your island pick us up from the airport let us borrow your minivan when convenient and pay me 30 dollars an hour for the labor i would be providing to you (cause im such a nice guy) then you win!....uh, er, i mean that your chances of winning are significantly better than the rest! not that i would be rigging the contest or anything.

off to work now.

good luck to all contestants, i will announce the winner tomorrow.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I long to post post-haste for too long

my bloging is dying due to a lack of time. my schedule has brought on a severe case of notimeforblogpostitis. it may be fatal. in an effort to stay a drift until the professionals devise some sort of genius plan of action i will be making smallish posts and hope for the best.

i was thinking today about the poor unfortunate souls unfortunate enough to get caught doing something i find amusing. i mean it in a very specific sense... one that certainly does not apply everyone but to people in particular that find themselves into my vocabulary.

not just their name. but them really. thats why its funny to me and apparently why i say it so often... but anyways since you have no idea what i am talking about yet let me explain.

there are people i have known in my life who will forever until i die represent certain behavior in the form of their name. when i find someone telling a story about how about thier "cousin" i will call that pullin a brian. because in the case of brian he has no cousin or experience with the matter but needed a subject for speaking about something he doesnt know for a fact but wants you to believe it but not think his opinion is stupid if yours is contrary. in his case the cousin is stupid and not him.

also if you were to try and make me believe that something happened and you have no idea how it happened but you not only know how it happened you actually made it happen yourself that would be a tim.

if you poop your pants at work -a Timmay

and in my vocabulary there are: a greg , the tony , the before mentioned a tim a Timmay and a brian, getting daved and joshin yah.... i know the last one is not original to me in saying but it has special meaning that makes me laugh when i say it.

these people are not really very dear to me but their names and the humorous behavior they represent in my life will always be a part of who i am. thank you to each and every one of you for your unfortunate mishaps and bad days and lack of character that bring me so much joy.

and to the rest of you beware. im always trying to expand my vocabulary.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


i am currently holding little guy whilst i type. he who was sleeping just long enough to make me believe i may get an afternoon nap while mama runs out to bring home the bacon. like actual bacon...from the store. she didnt like take up employment outside the home or anything.

at this stage in babyhood he is kinda inconsolable upon waking and finding no mother present. but we are working on it. my only real fear is that he may stir the other sleeping children who are currently running on E in the kiddie fuel tank. they have a big evening to come and need a little rest yet.

we superfriends totally owned the buffet once again after church today. what great fun. i cant help feeling like i take advantage of them them though( the restaruant owners). those poor folks never see it coming. first they see my little ones and wave their small meal fee apparently underestimating the damage they can do to the desert bar. then there is me. after plate number five and everyone begins to pat their bellies and moan as they recall the half-dozen or so things they could have done without i come back with yet another plate. modestly portioned but clearly full. it seems to go unnoticed by our company...two trips later i throw out any attempt to look modest or like i care about what im feeding myself. i return with only what tastes best and with as much as will possibly fit on my plate. as the waitress clears my pile of 12 plates shes probably thinking not only that the children should have been charged full price but that i was probably hiding buffet food in my shorts and under my shirt and in my wife's purse. dont get me wrong, im a large guy, but i dont think its possible to imagine that amount of food going into a person my size. whats more? i actually came home and had a snack before lying down and attempting to rest. sick right?

well mrs floyd has returned and i am intending to sleep some good digestive sleep so i bid you adieu.

good day

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Today i actually struggled with what to say to y'all. I was thinking about what may be intriguing or comical to my small audience here. and while i thought a minute i realized something new. it had never occurred to me why the BLOG was such a big hit. but it has been truly satisfying to know that people enjoy (when im not being gross) reading what i have to say. i would have never guessed that i would enjoy writing or that anyone would care what i had to say.

but now i can hardly pass up the opportunity to put down in words something that will be read and appreciated by others.

well as i sit here listening to E.I. by Nelly on the pandora radio i cant help but recall some of my teenage years. i dont often revisits memories of yesteryear nor do i often partake in the genre of "gasgsta" music. but as i am familiar with nearly all types of music (totally love it all) i do occasionally like to get down wit it.

you may also be interested to know i love to dance. Crazy wild bohemian dancing is my thing. I have found that even without the influence of drugs or alcohol music just seems to communicate with my body... and so it moves.

wow what a week. sick people, time off work, working late with chocochip jan, dinner from friends (prepared for us at home and then purchased for us not at home), a huge package of diapers, more free homeschooling aids, and some picked and snapped and washed green beans. OH wow. shame on me for complaining about the work involved that i had no idea i would have no part in. and last but not least it is thursday and our house is CLEAN. like weally weally clean.

you may not know it but friday is our host a bible study night, and also grocery night, and also eat out night, and also a ridiculously terrible night to clean the house even a little just for bible studiers to gather on a clean floor in a cramped living room. friday is also the day mrs floyd spends almost the entire day away from the house which loosely translated means no bigmiddlelittle guys to trash it.

speaking of trashing the house. make no mistake about it, mrs. floyd can clean. with four kids 5 and under, two in diapers and one still nursing she can cook clean taxi doctor launder like nobodies business. the problem is these three and soon to be four little catastrophes we call our children. i mean that in the nicest sense possible. but sometimes the truth just is what it is. and they is catastrophes when it comes to housekeeping.

our house is small. and we are a large and ever growing family. recipe for disaster? maybe. but its what i love the most in this world. our family in our home. that always fits...

until next time!

answer to riddle- your word.
also apparently- a cold (thank you doug)
i didnt realize it was a multiple correct answer kind of riddle. now i know. : )

Rungs of a Ladder The rungs of a 10 foot ladder attached to a ship are 1 foot apart. If the water is rising at the rate of one foot an hour, how long will it take until the water covers over the ladder?...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


so you are already aware im sure of my superness. great feats of strength, crazy macgyver improvisation skills, and last but not least my super husbanding abilities. OH yeah! but what you may not have know (because only supers would know) is that one of the benefits of having super abilities are the circle of super friends that you may kick it with when you are not saving lives or fighting crime or doing the dishes.

a big thanks to Kwerkiegirl and her trusty sidekicks the Crash and Bang bros. for coming to the rescue of a fellow superfriend...Superhotgirl. also an honorable shout out to the fearless leader of the A. team, Mr. Gadget for so graciously sharing your wealth of supers . unless of course he has no idea what im talking about because perhaps he was working late or something and it just worked out great for us. in that case all credit goes to Kwerkiegirl. you rock.

while im at it i should mention the Band of Burtch's; Captain Arrowhead, Motherpearl and the legendary Pictureperfect girls. (because they are forever perfecting those crazy pictures) team B.o.B. is always ready to make way the path of fun and excitement.

despite their busy lives, these superfriends of ours, they still find time to make us feel overwhelmingly important to them and thats the awesomest feeling. sharing the burdens of of world together and totally conquering the chinese buffet on sunday afternoon. good times.

so to all you common folk out there, dont feel down cause you are not super. feel down cause you dont have superfriends. i know i would.

answer to last riddle. all the men were married. Booooo!

and now...What is it that you can keep after giving it to someone else?

Monday, August 3, 2009

Top Secret

for a majority of my day i was working on some repairs at the local reservist base. before when we were on site it was a military engineering project and any contractors had free reign to move about the area while their passes were valid. now that the area is under full operation and currently occupied by on duty guards men (and women) the atmosphere has drastically changed. their uniformed presence along with the assault rifles in tow and the occasional warning sign threatening the use of deadly force makes it much less fun.

usually we work with a really wild group of over paid characters who live life to the fullest. and of course by fullest i mean cussing spitting drinking partying at the strip club until 1 am and coming to work ...maybe...the next morning grumpy hungover and meaner than a cornered animal. but for the most part they are a lively bunch and things are very informal during the construction phase. thats not to mention the my getting paid twice as much as usual while on the base. always a plus.

today was even more different than when we usually work on non-construction areas as this was located in a highly restricted area. your movements are restricted to only your vehicle and and your work area. any thing else requires making a phone call to summon proper escort to other areas and theres a fair amount of waiting in order to do so. in addition, the areas you move to and from have barriers...not barriers...lines on the floor about four inches wide at most that you may not never, no way, no how, ever cross over or move in such a way that it may appear you would cross over those lines or you will undoubtedly suffer injury or death.

i am not a serious person. in fact, you know the saying, " theres a time for playing and a time for being serious."? i usually need someone to tell me when its time to be serious. however i find that within the gates of a military base, and further within the highly restricted areas within the gates of the military base, i am one of the most disciplined well behaved individuals you may ever meet.

whats funny about my trip today though was not something i did, but something i though my boss did. as we were working he was busting some tile up with a heavy duty oscillating bond scraper. he failed to notice the power cord in the path of the blade and in one fell swoop he cut through the wire, made a small fire, and broke the circuit which left us in the dark with only emergency lighting. coincidentally the fire alarms started to blare and a guardsman wandered over to ask if we had been starting fires in here...HA HA he thought... um well... so we told him what happened and he said it probably didnt cause the alarm but in any case we needed to exit the building.

apparently there is no such thing as a false alarm when there are enormous amounts of jet fuel just lying around. and so the fire dept. showed up in great form. i still am amazed at just how fast they arrived. all twenty of them there trucks loaded with men that looked like they were ready to launch into space. i guess shiny suits keep you from melting when all of the oxygen around you is instantly consumed and random objects combust and vaporize before your very eyes. funny enough they has huge tanks of compressed air strapped to their backs. i assume this is so that if by chance the fire gets too hot and you are gonna melt anyway the tank will explode and take you out with it. sparing you any suffering.

so as they search the building in really cool synchronized fashion i cant help but stand next to my boss but just far enough behind him to go unnoticed and point and shake my head as the super firefighters exit the building. they rest of the day went smooth and the whole event actually broke the tension a little so i was a bit more comfortable operating in that kind of environment. we should be finished tomorrow and return to the real world. i will be sure and double knot my laces so as to avoid tripping and falling over any "barriers" and thereby incurring any unwelcome gun shot wounds.

well i look forward to tonight. it looks like chores and bike riding are on the agenda so we get two for one. productivity and fun. thats a good evening.

by the way , tomorrow was the answer to the other days riddle. good job doug.
now try this one on for size.

Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Is it fatal?

the title of my blog was supposed to be much more terrifying, maybe morbidly so, but on account of my wife's begging i toned it down a bit for the less dramatic and far less hilariously shocking substitute that presently heads your reading today.

MY wife is a hypochondriac. in the worst possible way. like in a crazy wacko are you serious kinda way. She get gets it honestly though. her dad is cool. and while i would like to leave it at just that, cool. i cant. her dad is cool BUT, hes kinda crazy too.

i will never understand how one imagines a paper cut leading to an amputation of an entire limb. and dont think they wont bring up that one guy, you know the ONE who did actually die ONCE because he got an infection in his paper cut while in a foreign country and then got on a plane and by the time he landed it was too late to save him.
oh sorry, never heard that one... yeah, that because only crazy people know that kind of stuff. because they spend hours upon hours researching every possibly outcome of every symptom they can come up with. note that when i say symptom i am referring to things like breathing, blinking, chewing, moving, living. once youve contracted the hypochondriac disease just living is a symptom of death. slow painful terminal death.

"was it fatal? yes. how fatal? completely. "

at this point we have an understanding... you can freak out about yourself, but you cannot freak out about the children. also when freaking out about yourself you may convene with your father at his house until your matter is resolved in that you are either convinced that you will survive or you die from they anxiety you have about maybe dying from something you dont have then we will cremate your remains in order to eliminate any chances of the hypochondriac virus spreading to anyone else in the family before placing you in an urn above the piano. (thats how you become paranoid about fatal diseases by the way...its a nasty little virus that eats your brain matter and controls your thinking so that you die from anxiety. its not just a parasitic life form looking for sustenance in your body its an ill intentioned murderous evil genius virus with no desire for your body except for it to expire.)

she seems to be in control of herself for the most part but every once in a while i catch her sitting in the dark her first aid kit and and emergency contact numbers in hand perusing the mayo clinic pages.

one thing you should know. never, never, never,never encourage any persons inclination to believe they are dying. you think its funny to patronize them because they are not dying. but its not. its not funny. not even a little. not even the next day when they are still alive. when you say, "see you are still alive." thats not funny either. not funny. you are not funny for making light of the idea of someone you love maybe dying. cause what if they did. but they wont. but they could. and you are not funny. dont do it. not funny.dont even smile. when they say " i think im gonna die." hold back your laughter with everything youve got and look interested and nod. but dont speak, because words will not come out. just laughter. and its not funny. at all.

that being said i am about to go care for the woman i love. her mortal wound is beginning to spread infection to her body and i dont how much longer shes got. as these may be her final moments i should probably not be wasting them blogging.

in case your wondering, just to be sure, its the really huge gaping wound there in the left center of the foot there.

i hope she still likes me when she wakes up and finds i posted a picture of her foot while she was out on the couch. remember me in your prayers: )

the husband

Saturday, August 1, 2009

auction houses and gas station pizza!

our day started at 6:30 am. i was the motivated one today as it was officially and finally auction day. we whisked the kids off to the burtch's place and got on the road. me and mrs. floyd, barri and little guy. it was quite an adventure.

i just simply love buying things that are so cool for so little money. somehow it justifies (in my head) actually spending money on myself... which i hate doing. first of all because its practical usually, and secondly if its not i probably got it for a great deal.

fortunately for me i found a replacement gift for the green bead necklace dealio that was so nearly mine. a "cameo"? yeah its a gaudy huge pendant with a face on it. but actually for costume jewelry its very low key and i quite like the look of it on her beautiful self.

so after a few hours of my crazy biding frenzy ( its just so exciting ) we headed back to town for a quick nap and recharge before heading out to the aldriges for the mush anticipated gas station pizza and trappist monk beer. well the monk stuff was not anticipated but definitely a welcome addition. today was overloaded with fun and friends. i wouldnt have it any other way. my little ones are knocked out in there just getting all rested up for their next big day in this ridiculously short life.

its movie time here at 11pm and the night is still young. what a day.

I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball

and the answer is? googling allowed