Monday, August 24, 2009

Is there a full moon out there tonight?

Oh my goodness!

i must say i am feeling just a little like screaming. not that it would help but i figure if everyone else can do it then why cant i? is there a good logical reason that could justify my silence? im thinkin not. i dont have to scream at anyone. just a long cleansing purposeful freeing participation.

apparently children scream because they have to get emotional release. thats one school of thought anyway. they cant express their anger properly in addition to being forced to constantly do things they do not want to be doing. after a while it all builds up and they scream and cry and then things dont seem so bad.

now i picture myself at the end of my long day. coming home to my family exhausted and looking forward to what i know will be an evening full of bickering children and chores and little to know communication with the person i hope most to spend time with. then upon bed time oh glorious bed time, i find that despite my best efforts to please each and every member of this household my children are just not happy and not going down with out a fight. so comes the screaming. now at this point my good attitude and laid back personality and compassion are hard to find. one option may be to bring the proverbial hammer down, and reign terror into the hearts of the miniature banshees. but a part of me thinks this will not be a good pre-bedtime experience. its hard to sleep when you think your father is waiting around the corner hoping for you to accidentally make the slightest bit of noise so he can make good the promise to beat you unconscious if he hears another sound from you for any reason whatsoever. at that point you might like to fall asleep but why risk it when you know that any accidental sleeping movement may provoke the beast that lies in wait.

so, if you cant beat em join em, right?

well im glad to say that in this short time the house is already quiet and im feeling much better. i may have missed the opportunity to lash out irrationally tonight but i trust my dear sleeping ones will be only too quick to make ready my next opportunity.

one of these days i will let myself go and what a glorious day that will be.

until then i will hold onto what little sanity i have left.

... wow, thats just how far its come. the only thing between me and a padded room is my tiny bit of self control that keeps me from yelling and throwing my extremities about wildly and then stopping to laugh and smile from the comfort it would bring me.


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