Tuesday, July 14, 2009

removing impaled logs

apparently life was ever so exciting today while daddy was working hard for the money. middle guy, as opposed to big guy or little guy, managed to find a small tree limb protruding from his tiny little middle foot. again...middle designation not foot location, he has but two feet.

anywho, in order to remove a small tree limb from tiny feet one must proceed as follows. first find large pair of scissors, cooking tongs, and bottle of alcohol.(not the disinfecting kind, the drinking kind) once youve gathered your tools place your adult sized body on top of thirty pound middle guy in a sitting manner while pouring alcohol down your and his screaming throat. next grasp his ankle firmly between your knees and insert large scissors into wound and cut opening large enough to insert your fist at which point you throw down the tongs once thought to be a useful tool and reach one foot down into the depths of open wound and grasp firmly the tree limb. be sure during this step to pull straight away and swiftly to avoid and breaking or splintering of wood in wound.

and voila there you have it. this all took place today while i was "working". I hardly feel like i can compete with that kind of excitment as a sore back and aching joints do not measure up to nor are they even in the same scope as intense invasive impalement extraction. My wife is a hero. my son is so brave. and i just cant believe the things i miss in just a few hours time everyday.

you will be happy to know middle guy has completely recovered and doesnt show any signs of long term damage. additionally the surgeon is still recovering from her drunken stupor and will be referring all patients to me until further notice.


  1. That is hilarious, and I really don't know why Chris didn't dip into that alcohol... I am sure a lesser woman would have.

    Thanks for the comment on my blog the other day, I told your lovely wife to pass on my appreciation for your story/testimony!! What a ride you two have been on eh? God is good.


  2. Bravo! Great blog Matt. You and Chris really need to write a book; a compliation of stories about parenting, with every antecdote having two versions, a 'he said' and a 'she said'. You will be rich!

    P.S. You really ought to inject some sarcasm into your writing...you are way too serious. :)