point break

everyone has a breaking point. mine is incredibly fortified. but a barrage of recent attacks have left me feeling vulnerable. all things considered i will tell you life just doesnt get better than this. ive got it all. God, family, job, friends.

this seems to be a reoccurring theme in every aspect of my life. i feel stressed out and miserable, i want to complain. but i remember where i came from and what i have been unconditionally given even presently, and i discount my feelings and bottle it up. perhaps that is the source of my bouts of gloom.

i feel overwhelmed, overworked, and insurmountable guilt for neglecting god and family, and as a result i become distant toward those who need my attention.

i will as always "suck it up and be a man", but its just hard to adopt a good attitude when life gets to be so busy you cant even regroup or recharge or reanything for that matter. this isnt even "bad stuff", most of it is exciting or fulfilling and even necessary.

some popular advice is to prioritize the events in your life and schedule accordingly and make sacrifices where needed. the problem with that thinking is when all things rank of equal importance and nothing can reasonably be deducted you just have to make it work.

whats the whole deal with this idea that you cant complain? i mean whats that all about?


"How are you?" ..."well i shouldnt complain." ..." yeah it wouldnt do you any good anyway"
what a bunch of crap.

you know what? complaining isnt the most positive form of communication but so what. maybe i dont feel like being in a good mood. maybe i dont want to smile and shove more crap inside. maybe im just fine and dandy but i need to just say, Hey! im a little p!$$ed off right now.


i love my wife so much. (another reoccurring theme.) but you know i can tell her anything i want. angry, sad, even indefensibly stupid. yet she doesnt turn away from me. she doesnt look down on me for having a poor attitude, or criticize me and tell me to get over myself. she listens and she loves me.

maybe thats a spouses job. but maybe its all of our jobs. we all have stress. we are all busy and tired and in need of rest and sometimes you just wont find rest. but you should be able to find people who will let you speak you mind even when you are confused or bitter or whatever it maybe. because its healing. and healing is a process. and complaining is a necessary part of my healing process.

see, there is proof in the pudding. i already feel better, and i havent broken yet.


i promise to never lay it on you like i would my dearest (i dont think you could handle it) but i will warn you doubly that i like to complain and i do not take criticism well. so if you dont like my bad attitude keep it to yourself.... cause im coping.

: )

Mattitude